Encoded by hunter crazy4tv. Com
Welcome back.
Our next guest has been teaching the world
to cook for over 20 years
but apparently my wife hasn't been listening.
( Laughter )
Oh, funny.
I will destroy her!
And now, extend a formulaic greeting to master chef elzar!
( Cheers, applause )
So, elzar, what will you be cooking
for morbo to devour with his mighty jaws?
Morbo, I'm going to whip you up
a nice unnamable horror from beyond
with mango chutney.
Pathetic humans
prepare to write down the recipe!
( Humming )
Hey, uh, what's with all the pots and pans?
You building a wife?
Part of one.
Meantime, I'm cooking up
a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.
( Food processor grinding )
( Humming )
Uh... brunch. Right.
I'd better warn... tell... Warn‐tell the others.
Okey‐dokey.
( Humming )
Ooh.
Nice.
Yes, it's a perfect scale model
of the universe's largest bottle.
I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring.
Oh...
For the last time, zoidberg
look with your eyes, not your claws.
Brace yourselves, bender is making us brunch.
( All gasp )
Oh, god, my tract!
He's so proud of his awful cooking.
If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed.
All right, don't panic.
If we can get to the ship, we can fly north
and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks.
Good idea. Great.
What's the holdup?
Fleeing somewhere?
( Coughs )
With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.
In that case, brunch is served.
Let's go.
Move it out.
Stop crying, Leela.
( Leela sobbing )
Zoidberg, are you coming?
Sure. Me.
Because I don't want you touching that thing.
I know that.
Surrender your mysteries to zoidberg.
( Shrieks )
Oh, no! Professor will hit me!
But if zoidberg fixes it, then, perhaps, gifts.
( Gibbering )
Oh. Ow. What?
( Horrified groan )
Today, I've personalized each of your meals.
For example, Amy, you're cute
so I baked you a pony.
Ew. Ew.
Come on, eat.
I slaved all day over a filthy stove.
( Humming merrily )
All: Blecch.
This is terrible.
Good thing I secretly installed
this wormhole in the table.
Where does the other end come out?
You know, I'm not quite sure.
Dear me.
( Bell dings )
The pie is ready.
You guys like swarms of things, right?
Casual hello, it's me, zoidberg. Act naturally.
( Clock cuckoos )
Ouch! Ouch!
Ooh! Get off of me! Ah! Stop!
How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg.
Do go on.
( Humming )
Hey, check out the palm tree.
It only gets sick when I cook brunch.
How's that for coincidence, professor?
With all your "precious" science.
( Humming )
Man, I don't want to hurt bender's feelings
but this food actually tastes better as vomit.
It's unbearable.
How much do you think it would cost
to get my tongue removed?
( Sobbing )
( Bawling )
( Sobbing )
And this time, I mean it.
( Siren wailing )
( Sobbing )
( Bender sobbing )
Ah, who am I kidding?
It was stupid of me to ever dream of becoming a chef.
I don't have what it takes and nothing can change that.
( Sobbing )
Then it's settled.
Elzar will teach me to cook.
Absolutely not.
But I watch your show.
You owe me.
I owe you nothing.
For starters, your antenna's in my crotch.
Also, I hate you.
And finally, you can't cook for squat.
( Sobbing )
What was the first one again?
I hate you.
I thought that was number two.
I knocked it up a notch.
Bam!
( Class clinking )
Oh, I'll never recombobulate this ship.
When the professor finds out
he'll tear me a new cloaca.
( Sobbing )
Oh... wait.
What would the robot do?
Frame someone.
( Door slides open )
What up?
( Snickers maniacally )
( Water running )
♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪
♪ mm‐mmm... ♪
( Gurgling ): ♪ I'm walkin' on sunshine... ♪
( Slurping )
( Fry continues humming )
It's over.
My dream of being a chef
is deader than the cat I'm sitting on.
Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome
to this new robo.
What did you call me?
A robo. You know, a robot hobo.
Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."
No offense intended, my filthy friend.
In fact, why not join us and ride the space rails?
( Train whistle blowing )
Get ready. We's going to jump off
at that switching prism up ahead.
We're going nearly the speed of light
so, uh, roll when you land.
( Grunts )
( Loud clank )
Ow.
( Mumbling )
Welcome to bumbase Alpha
the biggest hobo jungle in the quadrant.
Ah. I've seen bigger.
Oh, wait, I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon.
( Sniffing )
Mmm...
Wait. A pie with hobo‐lifting aroma?
Who baked it?
Helmut spargel.
He used to be the greatest chef ever.
His restaurant was so high‐tone
the only way to get reservations
was to create a parallel universe
where you already had reservations.
Yup. I once et' there back when I what was a senator.
Yo, spargel, if you're such a great cook
how'd you end up in this dump?
( Sighs )
Ages ago I was the host of a TV show.
Down‐home country kitchen mit Helmut spargel.
But one day, the extreme soda company that sponsored the show
decided it was too old‐fashioned.
Spargel, you're fired.
We need a chef who can attract today's younger
more extreme cooking show viewer.
Elzar!
Get lost, old man.
Bam!
Mein soufflé!
Elzar had been seduced
by the dark side of cooking‐‐
cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette.
That drizzler.
As for me, I went temporarily insane
and wound up here making pies out of shoes.
My story's a lot like yours
only more interesting 'cause it involves robots.
That jerk elzar ruined my dream of being a chef, too.
Interesting.
You wish to cook, but as a robot
you have no sense of taste.
Yeah, it's so unfair.
I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all‐‐
even smision‐‐ to be able to taste.
You don't understand.
Without the distraction of taste
your mind is free to touch the zen of pure flavor.
You could become the greatest chef ever!
I could?
Yes!
Just as Beethoven was a great composer
because he was deaf.
Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.
Bender, hear me well.
I shall train you.
But first, you must forget
everything you know about cooking.
( Beep and static ) Done.
♪ You're the best around ♪
♪ nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪
♪ you're the best around ♪
♪ and nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪
♪ you're the best around ♪
♪ nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪
♪ you're the best around ♪
♪ nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪
♪ you're the best around ♪
♪ nothing's gonna ever keep you down... ♪
( Applause )
That's right, Ricardo.
A ship in a bottle.
What's that?
Hang on, I'll look.
( Gasps )
Ricardo ( On phone ): ¿hola? ¿professor? ¿qué pasa?
( Thunder roaring )
I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor
because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker.
( Zoidberg gasps )
I'm acting astonished.
Certain clues suggest that the culprit
is none other than our own Philip j. Fry.
( All gasp )
What?
Oh, it was a brilliant scheme
but you made one fatal mistake:
Leaving this confession note.
Fry, you scoundrel.
Well, I don't remember any of that
but I don't the wherewithal to defend myself.
Then I have no choice
but to charge you the full cost of the materials: $10.
( Gasps loudly )
There you go.
What have I done?!
( Humming )
Your training is complete, little dessert spoon.
Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion
must win at least one game of chess
so must you serve at least one edible meal.
Succeed and I shall reveal to you the age‐old secret
of perfect flavor.
( All mumbling )
Slop's on.
Fine‐looking eats.
It is acceptable.
( All cheer )
Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at.
Wait, why did you stop eating, master?
Because my stomach is about to explode.
( All gasp )
What? My dinner killed you!
Oh, man!
Oh, it hurts, but don't lose confidence.
The important thing is that you defeat elzar after I am gone.
And using this, you cannot fail.
Ooh...
A diamond vial of Mrs. Dash?
No. It is the essence of pure flavor.
A few drops will cause the inner perfection
of any dish to blossom forth.
( Exploding )
Oh... there goes my...
( Squeaks )
life.
( Groaning )
( All gasp )
I'll avenge you, master.
I swear
in the presence of these drunken bums
that I shall defeat elzar!
Oh, I'm not drunk, I'm mentally ill.
But I likes what you said.
Elzar! I'm a walking pile
of your unfinished business.
Why, you...
Helmut spargel has a message for you.
He says, "ooh, I'm dead."
Spargel, huh?
What'd he do, bland himself to death?
No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence
his stomach exploded.
Now I'm here to avenge him.
Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.
Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy.
I challenge you to a battle of the chefs.
( Gasps )
Scandalous.
Very well, we'll meet on the ancient
televised battleground of kitchen coliseum.
Whoever's meal is best will claim the title of iron cook.
Iron cook, eh?
I can't lose.
I'm 30% iron.
You're going down.
Also, I had a reservation for one
under "doctor bender."
Hiruki: Please welcome
the superintendent of kitchen coliseum
chairman koji.
No robot chef has ever competed here
but today, one has barged his way in
to challenge for the title of...
Iron‐a cook‐ru!
( Cheers, applause )
Let's meet today's celebrity judges.
Captain of the Harlem globetrotters
Ethan "bubblegum" Tate.
Konichiwa, brother.
TV anchormonster, morbo.
Greetings, pathetic host.
And a woman who ended
a thousand‐year galactic war
with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head.
The secret is fresh pork.
And now... chairman koji
will present the theme ingredient
to be used in every dish today...
If it's chicken, chicken a la king.
If it's fish, fish a la king.
If it's Turkey, fish a la king.
Soylent green‐u!
Soylent green
a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking
and the battle is on.
Akiyu, what's elzar making?
Well, hiruki‐san, when I asked him
he asked what business it was of mine
and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.
In the english countryside
many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.
Female announcer: 30 minutes to go.
Hiruki: Look at bender roll that dough.
I've never seen such confident
powerful strokes of the ass.
You've never seen mine.
No, I haven't.
Female announcer: 15 minutes remaining.
The iron cook is bringing in his signature creation
a working pastry replica of downtown venice.
♪ La Donna e mobile ♪
♪ qual pluma al vento ♪
♪ muta d'accento... ♪
Commemorative Turkey basters.
Get your commemorative Turkey basters.
Yo, hook me up.
My Turkey is dry and I've tried everything.
Oh, right.
Never mind.
Oh, the guilt.
The unbearable guilt.
15 seconds.
Bam.
Ten seconds.
( Heavenly music )
Master spargel, if you can hear me up there
in that ditch where I left you...
This is for you.
( Gong )
Time! Up‐aru!
The iron cook neptunian has gone all‐out to please the judges.
He's even garnished the salad with hundred‐dollar bills.
Let's see what they think.
Mm. Soylent green is my kind of people.
Scrumptious.
Morbo will store this in his sac for future digestion.
I'm swimming in my own soylent waste.
It's a good thing.
Next up, challenger bender.
A student of the legendary Helmut spargel
bender is some sort of wonderful mechanical man.
Ooh. Delicious.
This food looks kind of funky
but it tastes kind of funk‐aay.
The challenger's ugly food
has shown us that even hideous things
can be sweet on the inside.
( Sobbing )
And now, judgment.
The winner will become
the new iron cook.
The loser is doomed
to scrub.
( Flies buzzing )
Whose confection will achieve perfection?
Whose foodstuff will be the goodstuff?
Challengeru bendeerl!
( Cheering )
That's my robot.
I own him.
You honor me, chairman koji.
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
Chairman‐san, I came here with one goal‐‐
to humiliate elzar in a large stadium.
I believe I've done that.
No question.
But the true zen of flavor is not found in a coliseum.
It is found in a small kitchen with friends.
That is why I decline the title of iron cook
and accept only the lesser title of zinc saucier
which I just made up.
Also, it comes with double prize money.
( Cheering )
Wait! Everyone must know.
I broke the professor's bottled ship.
( Shocked gasps )
And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, fry.
( Sobbing )
I can never repay him his ten dollars
so I must take the only honorable path
what with the killing myself.
( Horrified gasps )
Here I go already.
Huh?
( Screams )
That sword cost 5,000 daru!
Fry did it.
Woo‐woo‐woo‐woo‐woo‐woo‐woo.
And that's how I defeated elzar.
Thanks to spargel's magic liquid.
Yes, we were there
and we just finished watching it again on TV.
Hmm. Let me see that vial, bender.
Good lord.
According to the spectrolyzer
spargel's magic ingredient was... water.
Ordinary water.
No.
Ah, so the real gift spargel gave you was confidence‐‐
the confidence to be your best.
Yes, ordinary water
laced with nothing more than a few spoonfuls of LSD.
The important thing is, by my standards
I won fair and square.
Now, who wants brunch?
Cooked with plenty of... confidence?
Here! Over here! I do!
( "Sunshine of your love" playing )